As a kid, did you have dreams of what you wanted your life to be like? Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut, an actor, a pilot, a chemist, race car driver, architect, a lawyer, or a teacher. Or maybe you wanted to travel the world, dive to the bottom of the ocean in a submarine, become a millionaire, or climb Mt. Everest. As an adult, have you achieved these dreams?
In hindsight, many of our childhood dreams might seem, well, childish, but why is that? Children do grow up to become astronauts, actors, teachers, chemists, mountain climbers, and any other pursuit we dream of as children. So why do some become that which they dream of while most of us don’t?
Children see a world full of opportunities without limits, but as we age, we’re told to grow up and stop dreaming. Our parents, grandparents, teachers, siblings, and friends will often tell us we can’t or shouldn’t do something. We begin to form limiting beliefs, negative thoughts that prevent us from doing or being something because we’re told we can’t. These beliefs become a dominant part of who we are and keep us from obtaining those things in life that are important to us.
What are some of the most prevalent limiting beliefs we have as adults?
- I’m not smart enough to…
- I’ll never make a lot of money.
- I’m too old (or too young) to…
- I deserve to be abused.
- I’ll never be successful.
- I’ll never find the love of my life.
- I’m always unlucky.
- I’m not good enough to…
- What if I fail?
- I’ll always be fat because…
- I’ll never understand technology.
- Money is the root of all evil.
- I don’t deserve to…
I’ve been painfully shy my whole life although people who know me would never guess. My limiting belief of not being good enough has caused me to avoid circumstances and events over the years where I might have been vulnerable. Networking meetings, cocktail parties, and cold-calling are what most sales people thrive on, but I had somehow come to believe I wasn’t good enough or smart enough to be part of that world. Despite my decades of success in sales, I look back now and wonder if I could have been even more successful had I challenged this limiting belief earlier?
The thoughts in our heads, which are like recordings that play over and over and over, have a powerful effect on who and what we become. If the recordings in your head don’t empower you, you must change them. Limiting thoughts and beliefs are like anchors that hold us down while empowering thoughts and beliefs bring out the best in each of us.
So how do we go about changing a belief that has drilled itself into our conscience, and sub conscience mind, all our lives? Go online and you’ll find hundreds of articles on how to change your limiting beliefs. To save you some time, I’ve found four steps that seem to be the most common ways people overcome their limiting beliefs.
- Identify the limiting belief: There are usually multiple limiting beliefs holding us back, but let’s start with the most pressing. What area of your life do you struggle with over and over again? Money, diet, health, your age, a lack of confidence? Maybe you think you’re too old, or too young, to achieve a particular goal. Where did this belief come from? Our culture tends to think great things are achieved in youth, but Colonel Sanders was 62 when he started the KFC franchise and Laura Ingalls Wilder was 65 when she began writing the famous “Little House on the Prairie” books. Identify all the reasons you think your age is a barrier and try to remember why you believe this about yourself. Gaining an understanding of why you believe something, even if it’s something you remember your granny telling you decades ago, will give you incentive to overcome it.
- Acknowledge the belief isn’t real: Just because you believe something doesn’t mean it’s real or true. Many of us believed in Santa Claus when we were young, but that didn’t make him real. And once you learned the truth, gifts didn’t stop coming, you just knew where they were coming from. Believing you’re too old to do something doesn’t mean you really are. Bernie Marcus, co-founder of Home Depot, was 50 when he and Arthur Blank started the home improvement company. Now he’s one of the richest people in the world. If being too old is your limiting belief, do some research on people who started their businesses or became proficient later in life. Instead of saying,“I can’t” do something, turn the belief around and start asking yourself how you can do whatever it is you’re struggling with. How can I become an author at age 65? How can I lose those extra 20 lbs. that never seem to go away? How can I find someone to love me for who I am? The thoughts you repeat to yourself over and over are so strong, and making them positive slowly begins the process of believing you can do something. Your subconscious mind believes what the conscience mind tells it, so creating mantras that are positive and reaffirming will lead your subconscious mind to find ways to make it happen.
- Set goals and adopt a growth mindset: Now that you’ve identified and acknowledged a limiting belief, you need to put in place goals and a growth mindset that will take you to the next level. A growth mindset sets you up to succeed and uses positive affirmations, meditation, journaling, goal setting, or any other methods you chose to keep moving forward and empower your mind. Learn to let go of negative thoughts and comments, put yourself in situations that challenge your limiting beliefs and remember, there is no success without failure. Write down your goals and look at them every day, but even more importantly, close your eyes and see yourself having completed whatever goal you’ve chosen. If you want to lose weight, see yourself at your optimum weight and enjoying how much better you feel. If it’s getting a new job, visualize yourself in the role you desire, working with others and being successful. Our brain’s default is to listen to the triggers that keep us stuck, to let our insecurity and fears inhibit our growth. That’s why it’s so important to stay positive while acknowledging none of us are perfect. Learning to love yourself, despite the imperfections and failures you’ve weathered, will set you up for success.
- Build new beliefs that empower you: It took years to create the limiting beliefs you have, and it will take time to break them down and create empowering beliefs. Remember, beliefs aren’t necessarily truth, they are simply what you believe based on past experience. You may have believed in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, but as you gained knowledge and experience you learned these beliefs were simply made up. Instead of saying, “I’ll always be fat” or “I’m not smart enough to be wealthy” reframe these and turn them upside down. A new belief might be, “I’ll never be fat again because I eat healthy and feel so much better.” Or, “I have all the skills and experience I need to create a product or service that will reward me financially.” Words of affirmation are powerful, however you must also act as though these new beliefs are already true. What does it feel like to be at your perfect weight? What can you do now so that you have a healthy bank account? Challenge yourself every day to live out these new beliefs and reward yourself when goals are accomplished.
If this was an easy process, everyone would do it. Change is always hard, but keeping the status quo and living an unhappy, stressed, or unfulfilling life is worse. Les Brown, well-known author and motivational speaker says, “Life has no limitations, except the ones you make.” Don’t let your self-limiting beliefs stop you from taking risks and challenging yourself to live the best life you can.
Motivating yourself to be a better person today than you were yesterday (even if yesterday was great!) is never easy. Zig Zigler realized this when he said, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”